Surviving You by Mariah Johnson

Author:Mariah Johnson [Johnson, Mariah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-02-02T00:00:00+00:00

Mama is putting five small bouquets together for a group of bridesmaids. She’s been working on them all week but they’re finally starting to come together. She isn’t smiling like she usually does when she works with her babies; no, her face is still gloomy and dark and tired. She doesn’t pay any mind to my presence lurking in the doorway as I simply watch her.

I didn’t tell Aliya anything about what happened. In fact, I turned my phone off as soon as Auntie Elena arrived to pick me up. I didn’t say a word to her as I got in the car, but she knew. I know she did because as soon as I sat in the car and closed the door, she looked deep into my eyes and pulled me close. I can’t really remember a time where she embraced me so urgently as she did then.

“I love you,” I say to Mama now and, as sad as it sounds, the reality is that I also can’t remember the last time I told her that.

“How could you?” Mama scoffs sadly, not even removing her eyes from the leaves she’s pruning. My chest tenses at her cold response. I wish I could simply run to her and wrap her in my arms, spreading my love out to her like her darkness does to me. I wish I could overcome it. I search for the right words to say, but my mind comes up empty. Because you gave me life? Because when everyone told you to do one thing, you fought for the right one against all odds?

“Because I do,” I reply, finally, my fingers playing nervously with the ends of my hair. “I’m glad you’re my mom,” I say, my nose beginning to burn, signaling what would be coming next. She looks up at me and I notice the dark circles under her eyes. She tosses her tools onto the table and rushes over to me, tears slipping from her eyes, and she pulls me into her. Her body presses against me as her shoulders shudder.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

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